There is nothing more terrifying than being woken up in the middle of the night by a wild animal. Well, maybe if it is in your bedroom.
I jumped. Am I dreaming? No. Okay, I swear I just heard something hit the blinds of the window above my head. The raccoons I hear rustling outside my window every other night have figured out how to rip the screen. This is how I'm going to die.
Did something just touch my face? Why does it sound like there is a fan on in my room? The ceiling fan is off. I know that.
Cautiously I reach across my bed to my night stand to turn on my bedside life. For a second catching a glimpse at the time 3:44 AM. With a flash of light I can see something small and black circling my room. It's getting quite close to my face.
I yell out a cuss or two, but cautious enough to not wake my landlords. I grab the pillow from behind my head, and without thinking start swinging. My instincts to protect my home and myself have kicked in.
Heart racing, sleep in my eye, and whirring in my head I roll out of bed. Keeping low. Everything I've learned in an action movie has kicked into gear. I try not to scream like a girl when I feel in my hair.
As soon as I'm in the hall every possible light is on. Including my ceiling fan. I reach for a weapon. The broom and dustpan as they are the closest to me. I still haven't identified my foe, but I have I my suspicions. It's either one of those asshole swallows from my carport or it's a bat.
I don't plan on killing whatever it is, but I want it out NOW.
One good smack with the corn broom, and it is down. I quickly throw a towel over it, and rush it out the front door. It's a bat. I put it down in the carport within seconds it regains itself, and flies off into the night. It has only been a few minutes since the bat first woke me up, but it feels like I've been battling it for hours.
I sink into my computer chair with a beer, and wonder where the bat came from. Did it fly in when I came home at 10PM? Did it come in through a vent? Is there a hole in the house? Are there more? I should write.
I've always jokingly called my place “The Bat Cave,” but that was more because of it being a basement suite. Dark, cool, damp, and cave like. I mean, who doesn't want to be Batman? Not like this. Bats make terrifying alarm clocks.