When I was looking out the window at 2AM this morning I had this thought in the back of my mind that crept through the next few hours of sleep. “Did I fuck up my karma somehow?”
Five and a half hours later I was clearing the half foot of snow off the truck in what felt like a blizzard (I'm getting soft in my old age). I put the truck into 4Low, and rolled up the driveway. Visibility was the shits but there was no one on the road. I took my time and made it to work. In a losing battle I shoveled snow for two hours only to watch steps behind me fill in.
I left. There was no point in us being there. The coffee shop was open, and I figured I would swing in to grab a coffee before going home. I got out of the truck, wiped the ice off the wipers, turned to start to the door, and just like that I was face down in the snow.
A path not cleared. I tripped over a curb. I sprung back up in shock, but more embarrassed. I come here everyday how did I not know the curb was there. Oh yeah, snow. I ordered a coffee and a sandwich to go, and sat down at a table. Only to realize that my right foot was now killing me. Every movement a sharp pain runs up my leg.
I shuffled down my driveway, stripped off my snow covered coveralls, boots, and jacket. I made my way to my bedroom to collapse in pain, embarrassment, and an oncoming wave of loneliness.
The snow, the country, and where I live are isolating. I lay here wondering to myself if I could get help if I actually needed it. It is the first time in a very long time I've felt vulnerable and alone where I live. Sometimes you just want someone to take care of you or drive you to the hospital. Sometimes you just want your parents to look after you.
Against my better judgment I'm not going to brave the roads to go to the hospital to get my foot looked after unless I really have to. When the snow stops falling and the roads are actually plowed. Until then I'm going to lay here alternating this cold pack on my foot, napping, and reading.
I'm an adult now?