Here I am the Saturday evening before Anna Howard Shaw Day and I'm bored out of my mind.
It is so weird when your parents try to set you up with a "nice girl." I immediately turned it down, because that is how I roll. By "roll" I mean perpetually turn down any opportunity to try and be a normal person. I like being bitter and alone.
I'm halfway to becoming a crotchety old man all I need is a front porch, rocking chair, and a lawn to tell kids to get off of.
And to sweeten the deal my mom goes into detail about how this girl has a career and blah blah blah. I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure ladies who a psychiatrist at the local jail doesn't want to date an overweight guy with no real life ambitions.
I don't mean to sell myself short, but come on. Other than not attempting any of my goals I've got nothing. I rent, I don't have a car, or money. Maybe if she is into guys who make movie references in their sleep or likes to play video games more than interact with real friends I'm her man.
Let's face it I'm no Jon Hamm.
God damn Jon Hamm is the shit. He is like the man's man of awesome. If he is anything like his character Donald Draper in Mad Men he would be the coolest man on the planet. Wait he is!
Where was I? Oh yeah I was putting myself down.
The real reason I didn't want to meet this young lady was because I don't need my mom setting me up on dates. This isn't India. Am I right?
But seriously if I wanted to I'd ask a lady or two out, but I just don't like dating or relationships. I'm to selfish and I love being alone. I'm not at a point in my life where I want to dedicate 90% of my energy into something and get almost no return.
I'd rather be single and bitter than be in a relationship and bitter. It almost seems like a public service if I'm not in a relationship. Some lucky lady just saved money on therapy.
"Happy Valentine's Day no one!" - Liz Lemon.